DVD

Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck

sanderson — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 14:14:23 -0800

Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck

DVD

Directed by Michael Feifer

Written by Michael Feifer

Starring Corin Nemec, Andrew Divoff, Tony Todd, Debbie Rochon

Produced by Michael Feifer

92 mins
R
2007

There are days when I'm convinced I'm one of the last dozen people on earth who remembers when Corin Nemec was Corky. And worse, who remembers when he was Parker Lewis.

Because watching Nemec in the latest attempts to outrun his past--and this time in horrific scar makeup--is actually wavering wildly between comical and terrifying.

And this time, Nemec is bringing us Michael Feifer's take on Richard Speck's rampage of killings back in the mid sixties. Just in case you're not conversant with the details, Speck took nine student nurses in Chicago hostage and beat, raped, and killed eight of them. The last survivor, who hid under the bed, manages to give details to the police.

Now...that's not comical. Nothing about that is comical. Though Nemec manages to bring a raw, almost hysteric, edge to his portrayal of Speck that belies a certain skill. One minute a down-home shitkicker country boy, the next a cold steeled killing machine, and then seguing into a deep but somber remorse, Nemec takes Speck through the gamut of possible emotional ranges in a serial killer to an unexpected depth.

Granted, maybe movies like "Mansquito" weren't exactly the way to get his skill across. It's hard to look like a Serious Actor when you're toting an M-203 around and blasting genetically modified mosquito men. But "Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck", for all its bluster and splatter and gore, gives Nemec a chance to actually expand for a change, and do something that almost makes you forget "Gentlemen, synchronize Swatches".

Almost. He's never gonna get past that as far as I'm concerned, not least of all because back when my friends and I were twelve the best possible thing we could do with our high school careers was be Parker Lewis. Indeed, he could Not Lose. So too did we hope to at least Not Lose.

My own geriatric flashbacking aside, "Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck" at least manages to generate some authenticity for a change of pace, unlike the flood of serial killer movies Lions Gate has been putting out lately courtesy of non-stop trash machine Hollywood House of Horror. "Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck" actually manages to get us caring about the character, giving juuuuuuust enough exposition to know what's going on without bogging things down.

The ending allows the loose ends to be tied up in a fairly succinct fashion, and Nemec ramps up the chuckle factor by having Speck burst out a string of profanity unlike anything I can generate. Until about the last four minutes, in which a baffling video is described--and maybe even partially shown, I couldn't quite tell--in which Speck, in prison, has sex, does drugs, and sports a couple of breasts from hormone treatments he smuggles in. That just takes the whole proceedings and throws it squarely into a "huh?" zone from which there is no escape except the end credit roll. Which, mercifully, comes quickly.

The special features include Spanish subtitles, English closed captions, audio commentary, audio options, deleted scenes, a stills gallery and trailers for "Murder Set Pieces", "Curse of the Zodiac", "Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield", "The BTK Killer", "Black Dahlia", and an advertisement for Fearnet.

All in all, not bad. A decent performance from Nemec and a little bit of actual narrative goes a long way in "Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck". If you're looking for something harrowing and horrifying, then you could probably do a whole lot worse, unless you can't stand a story where you already know the ending.

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Brutal

sanderson — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 09:57:03 -0700

Brutal
**
DVD

Directed by Ethan Wiley

Written by Ethan Wiley

Starring Jeffrey Combs, Michael Berryman, Sarah Thompson, Eric Lange

Produced by Roel Reine, Ethan Wiley

90 mins
R
2007

There's a lot of things you can say about "Brutal". One look at the box practically screams "Torture porn ahead!" The plot synopsis on the back is no help at all. But once you get past the heavily flawed box, what you find inside is a strange little package of ups and downs, of what might have been and what might be great.

What Wiley has brought forth is the story of several attractive young women, kidnapped and messily killed with various tools and implements and suchlike--including hedge clippers. Which I have to give Wiley some kudos for--I can't recall the last time I saw murder by hedge clippers. And of course, the murders are drawing attention from local law enforcement, one member of which august body happens to be, surprise surprise, an attractive young woman herself. Which means not only will said attractive young woman be chasing our garden implement killer, but also will likely be his target.

There's a lot to hate about "Brutal". Wiley's work is frequently shot in conditions so dark that making out details is hard to follow. His characters occasionally look like floating heads. His plotline is just one long string of repetition--kill shapely co-ed, police try to catch up, kill, catch, repeat until end of film or budget, whichever comes first. Nothing that hasn't been seen and laughed out of the business before.

And yet, "Brutal" is not without its pluses. The foresight to include Jeffrey Combs gives me a little more respect for "Brutal". I can't fault the inclusion of Jeffrey Combs under any circumstances because the man turns in a good performance no matter what he's in.

I also have to give some respect to Wiley's clever "murdericus interruptus" scene. I don't want to give too much away, but let's just say that something actually gets to one victim before the killer does.

Further, he's tacked on an interesting subplot involving an adulterous sheriff in the midst of a reelection campaign, and some truly baffling attachments to flowers.

It's sad. It's truly very sad. Wiley could have been pretty clever, but his clever work is buried under convention and missteps so deep you could almost call it torture porn and not be too far off!

Perhaps I'm being uncharitable. Perhaps "Brutal" only has elements of torture porn. Sure, every chick in this film turns out to be a skank, an adulteress, or a thief in skank's clothing. Sure, we're spending a whole lot of time on hunt-and-kill. Sure, that shot with the hedge trimmer went on maybe a bit too long.

So maybe, in the end, it's just torture softcore.

The ending isn't half bad, but I'm still not very satisfied by the whole proceeding. Fibonacci sequences as a plot device? Come on, Wiley, that's stretching things a bit.

The special features include Spanish subtitles, English closed captions, a behind the scenes featurette, a still gallery, and trailers for "Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck", "Drive Thru", "Curse of the Zodiac", "The Abandoned", "H.P. Lovecraft's The Tomb", "Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield" and "Diary of a Cannibal".

All in all, "Brutal" is pioneering. A subgenre of a subgenre, and maybe one of the first examples of torture softcore to come out of the torture porn collapse, "Brutal" has some excellent points to it, but they're lost in a morass of poor visibility and a plot too heavily reliant on more-of-the-same. Though heavily flawed, there's enough good in "Brutal" to make me wonder just what Ethan Wiley's true capability is.

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Acts of Death

sanderson — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 11:19:04 -0700

Acts of Death
*
DVD

Directed by Jeff Burton

Written by Jeff Burton, Bill Vincent, Erik E. Hill

Starring Nathaniel Nose, Niki Huey, Finn Wrisley, James Ohngren

Produced by Jeff Burton, Leonard C. McLeod

103 mins
R
2007

Back to school time means back to school movies, and this one is just in line. Baxter University's theatre department goes a little too far in the comraderie department, and during an initiation, ends up badly wounding one of its initiates. In true Baxter University Theatre Department style, they run like crazed weasels into the night and leave said initiate to die. Thus, it shouldn't come as much of a surprise to anyone that, the next night, the theatre department undergoes radical downsizing with lots of extra blood.

I know...you, much like me, are heaving sighs of exasperation and mild disgust because you've heard this sort of thing before. "Popcorn". "Urban Legend". "I Know What You Did Last Summer". Lots and lots of movies about kids getting killed, sometimes accidentally, and their alleged friends running like thieves in the night and then getting killed for it mere hours or even days later. Oh, and one or two at a time, too, and in bloody and / or dramatic fashion.

Oh, and on a minor note--you'd think that Burton and company would've known enough about theatre students to know that NO ONE says the name "Macbeth" on a stage. It's horrible luck; instead, one refers to it as "A Scottish Play". If Burton were doing it as foreshadowing--which actually would've been kinda cool--he should've had someone mention that you don't actually say the name "Macbeth" unless you're in performance.

But no...instead, "Acts of Death" muddles through ground that was already trampled back in the nineties--"Alas, poor newt...I knew him well, fellatio"?? Careful with that joke! It's an ANTIQUE! And worse yet, despite having the trail clearly blazed for them, they don't even follow it very well. It takes almost a third of the movie for our initial victim to get killed and set off the chain of events. Suffice it to say, that's spectacularly slow. Not to mention almost half the movie goes by before the first other victim gets taken down.

So unoriginal...and slow...and lengthy. These are a combination sure to make a movie that'll make you eager for your own death just to stop the boredom. I haven't been this bored watching a horror movie in a long time.

It's not that "Acts of Death" is all that bad, really, it's just that it's very slow, and very predictable. It's made fairly well--no grainy video or cheesy limb prosthetics or any sudden mannequin swaps or anything like that--it's just that the result is so incredibly boring that it's hard to watch.

The ending, I have to admit, does manage to perk things up fairly well, though it's small relief after having sat around bored stiff for an hour and a half, give or take. And yet, it manages to downright piss me off by introducing brand new plot elements in the last five minutes of film. Dammit anyway, they had a hundred minutes to use and they pick NOW to bring in new plot? SON of a bitch.

The special features include English and Spanish subtitles, and trailers for "Haunted Boat", "Grim Reaper", "Dead Clowns", "Brutal", and "Mummy Maniac".

All in all, "Acts of Death" is a wooden yawnfest I wouldn't inflict on a freshman drama class. A tired premise poorly executed at a speed that makes glaciers look like competitors for the Nextel Cup, "Acts of Death" just isn't worth watching.

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Baxter

sanderson — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 11:40:30 -0700

Baxter
****
DVD

Directed by Jerome Boivin

Written by Jacques Audiard, Jerome Boivin

Starring Lise Delamare, Jean Mercure, Jacques Spiesser, Catherine Ferran

Produced by Ariel Zeitoun, Patrick Godeau

83 mins
R
2007

Let this be a lesson to everyone who's ever looked down their noses at Paris and sneered as they turned back to their "freedom fries": never turn your back on the French, especially their filmmakers...because when they want to be, they can be just as truly balls-out fucked up as the Japanese ever thought to be.

"Baxter" will be the proof of that. Don't believe me? Well, try out the first five minutes as a kid voluntarily slams a thumb tack into his palm. And if that doesn't freak you out, well...try the plot synopsis.

Baxter, as it turns out, is an insane bull terrier who finds himself discontented living with his new mistress, an elderly woman who's quite afraid of him. Due to his dissatisfaction, he plans to murder her.

Yeah, you heard me. The dog is plotting murder.

And it gets worse! He actually becomes a serial killer after discovering his next owner isn't much better. And in his mad quest for the perfect owner--who turns out to be a roughly ten-year-old boy with a deep and unsettling interest in Hitler--he discovers he's got an aptitude for and a delight in murder. Which he'll satisfy more than once even after finding the perfect owner.

That's right, folks...the French made a movie about a serial killing bull terrier.

There's a whole lot you can say about "Baxter". Bull terriers don't look good in tutus. It's pretty low taste to have a dog kill an old woman because he doesn't like living with her. It's even lower taste to set said dog to menacing a baby. It's vaguely a Stephen King ripoff--like they combined "Apt Pupil" with "Cujo" or possibly "The Sun Dog" and just let it go berserk. Oh, and seriously--bull terriers do NOT look good in tutus. It's just ridiculous.

And yet, at the same time, it's also rather compelling, in its own strange little way. "Baxter" isn't what you'd call really scary--but it's also no slouch. It has a certain innovation to it--a dog serial killer from the perspective of the dog? Definitely unusual!--and that innovation lends it a lot of capacity in holding interest.

"Baxter" is good--no mistake, quite good!--but it's also very strange. Like a new smell or a first love, it's beyond the ordinary in a fashion that is at once compelling and repulsive.

The ending is actually pretty frightening. For any of a number of reasons, the last ten minutes of "Baxter" should scare the hell out of just about anyone.

The special features are limited to English and Spanish subtitles, along with an English closed caption track.

All in all, "Baxter" may start somewhat slowly and awkwardly, but by the end, it will be a killing machine of unprecedented strength and terror. I'm very surprised by "Baxter"--and in all likelihood, you will be too.

Check out the Video Store Guy on his own ever-lovin' website.  Featuring never before seen pieces exclusive to Reel Advice! (reel.panel2panel.com)

Demons 2

sanderson — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 13:42:47 -0700

Demons 2
****
DVD

Directed by Lamberto Bava

Written by Lamberto Bava, Dario Argento

Starring David Knight, Nancy Brilli, Coralina Cataldi Tassoni, Bobby Rhodes

Produced by Dario Argento

1986
R
91 mins

All right, classic splatter fans--sit down, shut up, and brace yourself as Bava and Argento bring us more eighties survival splatter in "Demons 2".

If you're already looking askance at this piece and muttering at your monitor: "Hey...wait a second. Wasn't the end of "Demons" basically an 'end of the world' scenario with people bugging out to the countryside because the cities were jam-packed with cannibalistic, fanged, demonic subhumans hell-bent on murder, mayhem and lunching up the populace?", you're not alone. Seriously, I thought much the same thing. And don't worry--there's a rational explanation.

As far as I can tell, the whole point here is that one year after the massacre at the Metropol, a giant wall has been erected around the section of the city that was first attacked by demons. Intrepid--possibly idiotic--amateur journalists climb the wall looking for a story. And as Sally, a girl about to celebrate a birthday with friends, watches the footage in her high-rise apartment building, demons crawl out of the television and turn her into one. Oh, and for some reason, she's got acid blood.

By now you're probably wondering what the hell Bava and Argento were on when they wrote this.

Ah, but much like the original "Demons", we don't need some fancy storyline to make this sucker jump up and tapdance. No...all we need is a quasi-plausible excuse for some good-old-fashioned bloodfeasting tearassing around and people getting ripped apart by cannibalistic, fanged, demonic subhumans hell-bent on murder, mayhem, and of course, lunching up the populace.

If that's what you came here for, survival horror buffs who like it hot and squishy, then man, are you ever gonna get it in spades.

Plus, there will be a few new wrinkles from this demonic foray--including demon children and evil zombie dogs named "Davey".

"Demons 2" actually represents a significant step up from "Demons" because, while it takes place in a slightly larger space, there are actually a whole lot more demons running around than there were, thus allowing more to be done. It's almost an issue of density.

The ending, meanwhile, will pack a whole lot of carnage and put a serious test on some folks' barricading skills. Not to mention the tensile strength of one poor bastard's sack. Man, that crossed my legs just watching it.

The special features include a commentary track, English closed captions, and trailers for "Demons", "Demons 2", "Phenomena", "Tenebre", "Re-Animator", and "Phantasm".

All in all, "Demons 2" should prove to be a very satisfactory survival horror experience. Survival horror buffs will definitely love this monster, but even the regular horror buffs should get sufficient thrill out of it to make a rental.

Check out the Video Store Guy on his own ever-lovin' website.  Featuring never before seen pieces exclusive to Reel Advice! (reel.panel2panel.com)

The Other Side

sanderson — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 10:24:56 -0700

The Other Side
**
DVD

Directed by Gregg Bishop

Written by Gregg Bishop

Starring Nathan Mobley, Jaimie Alexander, Cory Rouse, Poncho Hodges

Produced by Gregg Bishop

R
2007
95 mins

The dark side of the afterlife has a revolving door policy in the Slamdance On the Road presentation of "The Other Side".

While waiting for the woman he loves, Sam North is unexpectedly murdered and sent, surprisingly, to hell. Hell, meanwhile, is an insane combination of childhood flashbacks and plastic wrap and not a whole lot of fire.

Anyway...now Sam's in hell, or is until a few other denizens help him, bafflingly, escape via a corrugated plastic tunnel conveniently located not too far from where he landed in the first place. Naturally, the management disapproves of such things--though if they actually DID have a distaste for this kind of thing you'd think they'd just seal up the damn corrugated plastic tunnel. I mean, come ON. Why don't they just put up a big sign saying "This Way Out Of Hell" and start advertising?

"Hey kids! Sick of being assaulted by horrible demons round the clock? Longing for old earthly comforts like breathing and water? Can't stand the heat? Then get out of hell's kitchen! Come on down to the Big Corrugated Plastic Tunnel! Easy access out of hell, twenty four, seven, three sixty five! Just take a left turn at the giant Cerberus, and if you come to the boiling pit of human feces, you've gone too far! That's the Big Corrugated Plastic Tunnel, where you'll say, hell may be damnation without relief, but the Big Corrugated Plastic Tunnel is the next best thing!"

With such an unlikely premise in place, we follow it up by having three invincible and ludicrously gun-crazy bounty hunters called "Reapers" dispatched to fetch him. And so, Sam's got to dodge the Reapers and reunite with his one true love all the while trying to keep his ass out of hell.

Which, of course, makes for a difficult situation. Is he going to spend his life dodging bounty hunters? Is he even human again? There are a whole lot of questions that need answering in a ninety five minute block of time.

So will they answer those questions? They will, actually. But sadly, the results are buried under a series of logical improbabilities, massive believability problems and a series of fantastic action sequences.

The interesting thing is that, not only is hell an easy escape in "The Other Side", hell's bounty hunters are also roaringly inept. Despite their flawlessly-set grimaces and seemingly invincible nature, they can be fooled by surprisingly simple dodges and can be knocked unconscious for several seconds by something so mundane as a two by four. Though they can jump handily between human bodies, and one of the bounty hunters has shapeshifting powers, it's amazing how many trenchcoat-wearing unconscious men seem to be within easy possession range for them.

And as we'll discover, there are a LOT of hellish escapees roaming around in "The Other Side". All you have to do is look for the vaguely wrench-shaped tattoo.

Despite some serious problems and huge difficulties in believability, "The Other Side" is actually a pretty action-packed mystery thriller, as Sam attempts to reconstruct what happened to his girlfriend, and finds out plenty else in the process.

The ending is much like the movie itself in microcosm, an action-packed and extremely unlikely gorefest.

The special features include Spanish subtitles, a director's commentary track, a behind the scenes featurette, a visual effects featurette, deleted scenes both with and without commentary, and trailers for "The Other Side", "Night Junkies", "Naina", "Anonymous Rex", "Cookers" and "Footsteps".

All in all, you could do much, much worse than "The Other Side". Though suffering from serious believability problems and horrendously unlikely scenarios, it's got plenty of action to it, and is fairly fun to watch. Boxes of bullets fly literally everywhere, and though it's laughably unrealistic, it's still a fairly solid excursion and worth a rental.

Check out the Video Store Guy on his own ever-lovin' website.  Featuring never before seen pieces exclusive to Reel Advice! (reel.panel2panel.com)

Welcome to the NHK: 1st Conspiracy

sanderson — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 16:50:27 -0700

Welcome to the NHK: 1st Conspiracy
***
DVD

Directed by Yusuke Yamamoto

Written by Satoru Nishizono

Starring various depending on language track

Produced by Scott McClennen

...ohhhh boy.

The Japanese have completely freaking lost it this time. I know I've said that literally dozens of times previously, but this time, I think they've finally gone off the bridge. There's a big sign hanging from Tokyo Tower, and it reads "The whole country is out to lunch. Today's special: Crackers, Nuts, and Bananas!"

How do I know? Because this time around, they've created a new anime that's all about anime fans, commonly called "otaku". Otaku are to Japanese society what, for example, Wolverine fanbois are to ours. And in this case, a secret underground network launched to pander to those otaku is pumping out hours upon hours of high-quality anime programming every day. Why, you may ask? Good ratings? Choice commercial advertising timeslots to yield billions of dollars?

No sir! Nothing so mundane. In this case, the network is brought to us by the NHK--the Nihon Hikikomori Kyokai. Or the Japanese Social-Withdrawal Association, for those of you what don't habla. Apparently, it's a network designed to keep otakus off the streets--in a self-referential state called "hikikomori"--and out of the gene pool, which, judging by some otakus I've seen, is not a terrible idea. Think about that--all those assholes you see running around conventions smelling for all the world like a septic tank burst in a skunk farm doing absolutely nothing but hanging around the house all day watching catgirl / schoolgirl hybrids in non-stop gratuituous panty shots.

Though the conspiracy of the NHK has reached one young man, Sato--at his very lowest point he meets a girl named Misako, who claims to know how to "cure" Sato's hikikomori "disease". She offers him a contract with a hefty termination fee--one hundred thousand yen--and then, we're off to the races. With Misako convinced she's got the cure, and Sato out to prove her wrong by creating a top-selling pornographic video game in a month, the missteps and accusations fly fast and furious.

This DVD only has the first four episodes, you understand. So it's not much to say that the whole thing is inconclusive. It's four episodes out of who knows how many, so it's not as though we're going to get a lot of satisfaction here. But it's good enough--there's no doubt of that. It's solidly done for what little there is here.

That's the one thing that sucks about anime DVDs. There's only a few episodes on each disc, and who knows how many more there'll be until the series is concluded? Or when we'll see them? It's not exactly a recipe for long-term satisfaction, you know.

All in all, "Welcome to the NHK: 1st Conspiracy" is good, for what there is of it. Lacking in long-term satisfaction, but great in the short run, it will definitely be worth a rental.

Check out the Video Store Guy on his own ever-lovin' website.  Featuring never before seen pieces exclusive to Reel Advice! (reel.panel2panel.com)

Demons

sanderson — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 11:49:09 -0700

Demons
****
DVD

Directed by Lamberto Bava

Written by Dardano Sacchetti, Dario Argento, Lamberto Bava, Franco Ferrini

Starring Urbano Barberini, Natasha Hovey, Karl Zinny, Fiore Argento

Produced by Dario Argento

88 mins
NR
1985

Once again, Anchor Bay salvages the darkest depths of 1980s video store fare to recover a classic. Funny, but they very seldom seem to dredge the turkeys out of the lake, rather sticking to fantastic treasure ships. And this one will be no different--welcome to Lamberto Bava and Dario Argento's great Italian nightmare, "Demons".

In a move that displays why the video store is your greatest and safest entertainment value, "Demons" offers a special treat--a free screening of a horror film at the local theatre, the Metropol, courtesy of a guy in a truly freaky metal half-mask. Those expecting a simple night at the movies couldn't be more wrong, as in short order, people abruptly start turning into insane monstrousities bent on murder and destruction. Okay, the premise is pretty flimsy, but we're not here for a deep and involved storyline--we're here to watch people try and survive the theatre of horrors!

And best believe, there will be lots and lots and LOTS of bloodthirsty subhumans tearassing around this old movie house, and a steadily dwindling number of humans trying desperately to survive their monstrous new counterparts.

Perhaps the simplest kind of horror--let's lock a whole bunch of people in with some cannibalistic nightmares!--and yet one of the most effective, "Demons" proves to be supremely effective. Wavering back and forth, semi-randomly, between balls-out slash-and-burn horror and nail-biting suspense ratchets up the tension to surprising high levels.

I used to watch this every so often back in the dim days of my youth, but I could only get it on VHS. And trust me, watching it on DVD is wildly, WILDLY superior to that raggedy old VHS copy I watched. They really improved the audio AND the picture quality--I used to think the horror movie showing at the Metropol was wreathed in fog. Watching it now, all I can say now is...well...there was no fog involved. A big shock, sure enough, and at the same time, a fantastic testament to the great improvement DVD can offer when it comes to the classics of our era.

Okay, maybe I'm overstating things. Maybe "Demons" isn't really classic to anybody but horror buffs enjoying the twenty-second anniversary edition. It may not be a classic, but it's still pretty hair-raising.

The ending involves the best use of motocross I've seen to date, and when you see it, you'll understand how I could say that without looking like a complete loon. The phrase "over the top" is not without merit here. Bonus points for extensive cheese, and killing by helicopter!

The special features include audio options, English closed captions, a commentary track, a behind the scenes featurette, and trailers for "Demons", "Demons 2", "Phenomena", "Tenebre", "Re-Animator", and "Phantasm".

All in all, another magnificently overpowered win for Anchor Bay! I can only wonder what half-forgotten treasure of the horror industry's dim, dark youth they'll dredge up next.

Check out the Video Store Guy on his own ever-lovin' website.  Featuring never before seen pieces exclusive to Reel Advice! (reel.panel2panel.com)

Mummy Maniac

sanderson — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 08:49:48 -0700

Mummy Maniac
zero stars
DVD

Directed by Max Nikoff

Written by Max Nikoff

Starring Erica Cruz, Colette Claire, Hollie Overton, Elissa Dowling

Produced by Nola Roeper

81 mins
R
2007

When I first slipped this into my DVD player, I thought I'd finally gone completely over the edge. It looked like yet another Ulli Lommel shitheap, with its poor video quality and its heavy dependence on gratuitious violence and gore. Not to mention the necessity of text crawls to advance the plot--it's standard Lommel to not even bother giving up the plot with things like exposition and character development. No, you see, these things just get in the way of reasonably attractive young actresses getting strangled and rendered, so why bother?

But no...unless "Max Nikoff" is a psuedonym for "Ulli Lommel"--and frankly I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it were--this is just another godawful shitheap of a movie that has absolutely nothing to do with Ulli Lommel and instead with Nola Roeper and the Hollywood House of Horror.

The Hollywood House of Horror, you see, is the company that brought us so many of Ulli Lommel's syrup of ipecac replacements. And this time, in a truly Lommelesque move, Hollywood House of Horror brings us the based-on-a-true-story story of a serial killer who mummifies the heads of his victims. And of course, not mummifies in the true sense because that would require things like prosthetics and research and money that Hollywood House of Horror clearly does not have. No, instead all we get is strangulations with strips of linen followed by wrapping the head up in said linen. And as a parade of young no-names goes from truck to room and then to corpsing-up, we begin to realize that this is why Hollywood House of Horror does these "based on a true story" serial killing movies.

Because their writers are just full-blown incompetent. First Lommel, and now Nikoff--not a one of their writers can actually make a story and develop it beyond this progression of killings. All "Mummy Maniac" is, start to finish, is just a series of girls getting killed in this exact same room almost the exact same way broken up by some very limited exposition into a character I care absolutely nothing about. Perhaps the worst part was when I was watching it, and for about ten minutes, I forgot the killer's name until someone said it again.

And frankly, I'm still wondering if Nikoff's just a false front for Lommel who has taken such a critical beating (and not just from me, either!) that he can't get a movie out there unless he's doing it from cover.

Either way, and I can't believe I have to APOLOGIZE to ULLI LOMMEL on this one, but he's not the only one out there making truly revolting wastes of time and calling them films. No, Max Nikoff is also an up-and-comer to watch in the field of "Movies No One Should Bother Watching", and frankly, this just dismays me.

The ending involves flashbacks, and corpses and a whole lot of flashbacks, but really, it doesn't matter HOW they end it, as long as it ends. I've lost all interest in this pathetic waste of plastic long before now, so why even bother to carry on through the end.

The special features include English and Spanish subtitles and trailers for "Mummy Maniac", "H.P. Lovecraft's The Tomb", "Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave", "Zombie Nation", "Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck", and an advertisement for Fearnet.

All in all, I'm beginning to reconsider my censure of Ulli Lommel as, perhaps, misplaced. Perhaps the blame for the recent influx of garbage from Lions Gate lies not with the directors and writers of this swill but rather the producer. After all, to look at Lommel's films and realize that Nola Roeper had something to do with most to all of them is enough to make you wonder. But grander pictures aside, "Mummy Maniac" will waste two hours of your life. Eighty minutes watching it--assuming you even got that far--and forty minutes recriminating yourself for sitting through the whole miserable waste.

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Shadow Puppets

sanderson — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 13:34:10 -0700

Shadow Puppets
***
DVD

Directed by Michael Winnick
Written by Michael Winnick
Starring Jolene Blalock, Tony Todd, James Marsters, Marc Winnick
Produced by Bob Crowe

NR
102 mins
2007

Ever since you were a little kid, you were probably freaked out by what was moving--or what looked like it was moving--in your bedroom at night. That's the joy of "Shadow Puppets", taking the worst of the fear of the unknown and packaging it into movie form.

Not to give too much away, but several people find themselves trapped in an abandoned insane asylum. They have no idea who they are, where they came from, or what they're doing whereever it is they are. So, when they start gathering together in an attempt to find their way out and recover their lost memories, it's not going to be too much of a surprise that a lot of them will start dying. And now, they have to not only get out, but also get out alive.

You've got to hand it to "Shadow Puppets" for immediately throwing us headlong into a set of circumstances that make absolutely no sense. Wake up locked in a padded room where the only furnishing is a mattress and suddenly the lights go out? Man, I'd be freaked out too, and I'm only just watching it.

A normal problem I have with horror movies is that it takes entirely too long to actually get into the action. Interestingly, "Shadow Puppets" has that problem, taking fully a fifth of the movie to even suggest anybody is in any kind of clear and present danger, and nearly a third of the movie for a body to hit the floor. But, due to the spectacular levels of suspense and ominous foreshadowing built up beforehand, I genuinely fail to notice how long it took for anything to happen. Which is, frankly, amazing. A lot of movies with a lot of similar formulae make for a lot of boring experiences. But "Shadow Puppets", for all its slow, building subtlety, does not bore me.

There's a lot of action, a great and not overly long buildup, a monster straight out of childrens' nightmares since time immemorial, and almost as much suspense as action. This adds up to make for one thrilling movie, probably the first genuine thrill I've had from a movie in quite some time.

The ending has plenty of twists to it, and some of the best action sequences I've seen lately. There's also an excellent sequence where the metaphorical flag drops, announcing the start of the closing action. It's a great sequence, and frankly, I find it improves the whole thing. And though one might be tempted to cry foul with the very end, this is really only very minor, and given the events leading up to it was really the only feasible end.

The special features include audio options, cast and crew commentary, and trailers for "Shadow Puppets", "The Thirst", "Voodoo Moon", "Room 6", "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon", and "Hatchet".

All in all, "Shadow Puppets" is a real surprise, and proves to be horror as it ought to be. And though its only real flaw is an ending that could possibly be called trite, very little should stand in the way of enjoying this movie.

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